One of the main reasons I wanted to write BE A MAN was because I don’t hear a lot of stories about men who have struggled with anger management issues and managed to overcome them. When I was a young man, newly sober, I had a temper that was completely unpredictable, and which would often erupt when I didn’t even feel it coming. It was so confusing and horrific to me, because I couldn’t seem to find a way to stop it.
My first marriage ended in large part because of my abusive behavior, and for years afterward I worked very hard on trying to find a solution to this problem. Things finally took a very dramatic turn when I found a therapist when I was in the Navy, stationed in Connecticut, who happened to be from Hamilton, Montana. This woman helped me dig deep and explore the source of my anger, but more importantly, she helped me develop tools for how to deal with anger in a healthy way. It is sometimes still a struggle, but I can at least say that I haven’t been in an abusive relationship for a long time.
So it has been disappointing to me when I sometimes hear people talk about abusive men as if they will always be this way. Because I know it’s possible to change if the man is willing to do the work. I also find it annoying when high profile people get charged with domestic violence and get a slap on the wrist, or get assigned to a few weeks of anger management classes. For me, it was a process that took years.
So I wanted to get my story out there for people who are struggling with anger themselves, or have family members who are. Darrell Ehrlick did a nice job of exploring that part of my story in this interview that came out in the Bozeman Chronicle yesterday.
And you can order my book here
I believe the openness and vulnerability of your shared story will surely help other men and women come to terms with their own internal battles. I can relate to much of what you write. I grew up as a female but as an only child, my father’s son as well. I was expected to be tough in hunting etc. “Don’t cry, suck it up and never show your fears. “ Withholding my feelings could then come out sideways in explosions of anger. 😡 it takes years of introspection and therapy to channel those feelings in healthier ways. Thanks for sharing your journey in your book, interviews and articles. Keep opening doors of healing for others. 🥰
I have struggled with similar anger issues most of my life (never violent, loud), but I finally am able to actually mostly control it under stress. Retiring and moving on a boat has helped...